I’ve heard the phrase two to tango was soon associated with everything that two parties would do from romance to wrestling. Also the things that only work in pairs like headphones or socks; doesn’t that remind you of how tangled the headphones get while you simply leave them in your bag/drawer. Let’s apply that thought to what happens when a marriage or a relationship goes from tango to tangle.
Being a couple is a complex phenomenon that all of us are living with. It doesn’t matter if we have found the one, or we are looking for a perfect match or living the fact that your reality is far from perfection, we all have issues and how! So here is how it works in a typical live in or a marriage: “I have issues” or “We need to talk” and the reply can be “Not now” or “not on a Friday evening” or “not on a Monday morning” and what happens invariably is delay in addressing our concerns to each other.
Many people start living in a bubble (self created) to convince themselves and others that they are absolutely happy and everything is fine, hoping that they never have the talk, and the bubble is never burst! Many others start ‘putting it under the carpet’ thinking that if I never have to deal with it upfront it will just go away. RYR believes and you know that Issues never go away; they only grow bigger if they are left or piled on.
You might even find this repetitive, but you cannot wait for one day to happen or for it to finally dawn upon you that you are not happy. You cannot have your child being the reason for you to stay in the marriage, you cannot have excuses to not work on your relationship like school or work or other stress! You need to analyse the situation now and find a solution right away. Stress, unhappiness, depression they say have their own ways of making you deal with the problem if you ignore it for too long. Physically if you have been keeping unwell suddenly, if that occasional headache is now a regular and if you feel constantly irritated you need to find out what’s going wrong, and how it needs to be corrected. Don’t wait for physical illness, when you see your own smile fading away understand why and do everything to bring it back.
Someone we spoke to told us she found her boyfriend’s Facebook page logged in one day, and got to read a chain of messages all of which were screaming loud and clear “my girl doesn’t get me” “I feel unloved” “I need someone to understand me”. The best part was I thought she would dump the guy claiming that he was a womanizer instead it hit her, that he was unhappy too and that they really only need to communicate cause it’s not like the need for love had died?
What you can consider doing is simple, its healing not therapy, its knotting the knots its going back to tango from the tangled. The most difficult part is to admit to yourself that your happily-ever-after has fallen apart while you were sleeping over fights. Make it a habit to resolve concerns before calling it a day, cuddle for a while, fall asleep in each others arms, let his heart beat be the sound that puts you to sleep. If you were once happy, even of it was in the initial days or just a few days back; you know you can be that way again. It might make you want to love each other more, might just make you want to. Try it. It does take two to tango.
Image credit: Google