Falling in love is the easy part, So how do you make a smooth transition to the next phase? If you think you have heard enough run of the mill advice, this one is scientifically proven!
Someone said, falling in love should be effortless, that said; it is the staying in love part that needs hard work. According to all the research we have carried out it brought up a few factors that can predict the success of a committed relation viz. Thinking positively about your partner (focussing on the plus points instead of seeing the drawbacks), thinking about your partner when you’re apart(not being with your partner must cross your mind at least once a day) the ability to enjoy new and challenging activities together, expressing love in physical ways (more acts in bed) and feeling generally happy about ones life (when you are happy with yourself you tend to be happy with the others too!)
A good relation isn’t found, it must be created; But have you thought of what is it that makes a relationship good?
Good question, it appears as if we are not the only ones looking for the answer to this question. As a research shows that marital bliss is known to decrease over time. Psychologists stated that employing the technique couples can actually put a stop to the decline in satisfaction and if done correctly may even reverse the effect and result in increase! It is a way of resolving negative emotions. In conflictual situations sometimes you don’t even remember what you are fighting on anymore, but you do remember the emotions that are coming through the conflict.
This technique is cognitive reappraisal.
Cognitive reappraisal involves viewing situations from a distance and suppressing negative emotions. Several studies have been carried out to conclude that people have reacted differently about a particular situation by using this technique.
The simplest way of using this is
1) to recall the biggest disagreement the couple has had in the last 2 months,
2) then view the situation as a third person or a neutral party by writing it down
3) write down any potential issues that may rise by adopting a neutral stand
4) keeping that in mind write down a final way of dealing with the situation which you know will be agreeable to the partner and yourself in case of future arguments.
The entire process takes only 7-10mts! Psychologists say that couples who don’t use reappraisal continue to feel the decline whereas those who employ this technique once every 2-3 weeks are happier together. Whether or not this may be applicable or doable for you and your relationships for you to decide, but the good news is that long term happiness is achievable.
With some amount of effort the functioning of a smooth relationship is for real, and does not only exist in the novels you read or the films you watch. Take that step, make it happen.
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