Dumper v/s Dumpee.

How a heart breaks, how to fix a broken relationship, can you prevent heartbreak, could that relationship last longer, how to cope with a breakup… so many questions we can ponder on…? So many experts give out their views on how should one deal with such doubts; RYR team went out and asked the ultimate question who is more broken in the relationship the one who dumps (dumper) or the one who gets dumped (dumpee)

There can be a lot of reasons besides love, why people chose to get together. Maybe it is to fill a void/vacuum that someone or something else left, maybe they are looking to fulfill a need in their life. Whatever the reason might be, in most relationships that dint end well there existed one partner who saw everything through rose tinted glasses, even though when things were not supposed to go on for long this rosy belief system might have been the reason why it went on for that duration. Having unrealistic expectations also can doom a relationship, some people want certain things, not finding them in a person, and will make the person a project and try to create those qualities in the person. Eventually, the person who’s being fixed regrets it, so does the person who started this whole arrangement.

So when things end, who is hurting more? The one who broke it? Or the one who hoped it would be the relationship that lasts. Men or Women?

Research shows Men commit more suicides than women due to a broken relationship than women. It is many times harder for them to deal with a lost attachment, leaving on terms which are not theirs makes it worse. A psychologist says Women take it easier, it does not hit them like a pile of bricks, they do know when the relationship is downhill. Also women have more people to talk to, their hairdresser, neighbour even a cab driver. Women get over a breakup but obsess over whom the guy finally ends up with and their comparisons with the other woman.

Whatever said, it is harder being the dumpee. As written boldly and massively believed the person who is being dumped becomes the victim and is hurt more than the other. Biggest reason: Self worth is at stake. When a person is able to imagine a future with the concerned other and that person is unable to see it. It hurts. When the dumpee gives in everything to make things work, because they value the relationship over their self esteem. It hurts.

Having said that there are one in hundreds cases where the dumper might have taken the step because he/she could see that the future if there is, is a short lived one. The dumper rarely might have decided to be the bad guy to beget bigger happiness for both partners eventually. Many people are hell bent on making a relationship work, due to their own needs physical or emotional or pressure from peer groups or society at large. These are the ones who don’t mind giving up on everything to finally be able to live in a relationship that is forever. These are the ones who would not mind compromising on happiness but carrying on, here the dumper’s role even though negative at first makes it heroic. But like stated earlier this could happen one in hundreds.

Other times the victim or the dumpee does get more chances to negotiate, the one who is breaking the relationship becomes liable to compensate in many ways by law and even emotionally. A guilt trip for example is a compulsion in these cases.

In the end, though it is easy to put a finger on one and say that one person suffers more than the other, but the bottom line remains that expectations were not met, dreams were not fulfilled and that’s why grief exists on both sides. And just because two people did not get along, does not mean that anything is wrong with either of them.

Image credit: Google

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