Maa, Mummy, Mom, Mumma, Momma, Mum various names to mark the most important person of every ones lives, Mother. She is the one which you’d want to suffer for, give your life for and write poetry for… but as kids grow up things change, and with that change comes an unavoidable change in the relationship of mothers and her children. Daughters go on to becoming mothers themselves someday and thats when each of their mom’s advice plays in their minds as they go on with raising their own offspring!
A mother daughter relationship is like the purest form of emotion. Unconditional, for eternity and effortless…hang on…then what about all that door slamming and fighting and not- understanding- each- other- phases that you two have? Mothers miss their princesses, while the girls are busy prepping themselves for their own share of life. And therefore begins the crashing down of this pure form of emotion. The deadlines get crazy, the concern feels like interference and the constant reminders feel like nagging…on the other hand the feeling of not knowing what’s happening in the other’s life, not sharing secrets, not having a friend is a lonely feeling.
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Bad mother daughter relationships are extremely common and the same duo is those pairs of ladies that actually love each other no matter what! If this bond is life altering rather a life giving one, we must not let it simply slip out instead stop and stare at the issues if any and deal with them! Moms are the ones who stayed up all night when their angels fell sick, they sang infinite lullabies and read unlimited bedtime stories they made you believe in fairytales and they helped you dream.
To make your rapport just like it was back when you were in playschool here are a 7 things you could try:
1 Have realistic expectations: Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. For instance, kids commonly think their mom will be nurturing and present — always. Both need their personal space and time.
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2 Make the first move: Don’t wait for the other person to make the first move; doing that inevitably leaves relationships stuck. Think about how you feel in the relationship and what you can do to change. Initiate.
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3 Change yourself: Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. But you aren’t chained to their actions; you can change your own reactions and responses eventually they will alter their ways too.
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4 Read between the lines: Moms have weird ways of expressing concern, try and understand the meaning behind what she is saying like, If mom says, ‘you’re acting like a doormat,’ the daughter hears that as being horribly critical [and that she’s not good enough], but what the mom is really saying is, ‘I feel so protective of you because you’re not protecting yourself.’
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5 Role Reversal: See the situation from her point of view too, sometimes she cribs about dad, sometimes she just does not want to cook, many times she is strict with you that doesn’t mean that she is having a troubled relationship or is not interested anymore to cook for you or that she does not want you to have fun it only means that she wants to share all her feelings with you, sometimes she can be lazy too or just that she is a little over protective about her baby girl. When we start seeing the situation from the other persons view half the battle is won as we can now reach to conclusions easily.
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6 Solve and Resolve: Moms and daughters tend to have an old argument that runs like a broken record in the background, It becomes their default disagreement. Instead, avoid bringing up old scenes from the past, and try to focus on the present. Use ‘I’ statements, rather than being accusatory, you might say I feel this way [or] this is how that makes me feel. Similarly, avoid sarcasm it’s easily misinterpreted, causes hurt feelings and takes you further away from resolution.
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7 Just the two of you: Don’t bring in third parties. It’s common for mothers and daughters to bring someone else into their conflict. A daughter might involve dad because mom is driving her crazy. Mom might involve another child because she feels like she can’t talk to her daughter. Either way, talk directly to the person a one on one is always easier and uncomplicated.
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Finally, ask yourself if you’re OK with your relationship and your actions. In the end there will be a time where Mothers and daughters can have an entire conversation only by looking at each other, that glance will be worth every fight you both survived.