It’s funny how a mere number on the calendar can pick you up, drag you down every step on a painful spiral staircase and dump you right back to where you were. Months ago, years ago, Birthdays ago, Anniversaries ago.
You know how you cling on to every special date, make pink post-it notes on your personal diary about first kisses and cuddle nights. We write it down, put it up on a wall, hide in closets, send ourselves post dated scheduled reminders, even share gifts which are prepaid. We hold on to every date, every moment like this is it, never will I be happier than in this moment, and why should I forget this. Let’s make sure that I never let my future self-forget today. And oh, the winners are the surprise dates, those that happen with weeks of secretive sturdy planning, lies, and many many many people, WhatsApp groups and vendors of all kinds who are in on the secret but your better half, for whom this will be a relationship defining moment. He will fall head over heels in love with how special you made him feel on his big day. The surprise dates are the best memories. Then just like that, one fine day. the tide changes. It washes away all those castles you both made in the sand. It didn’t last, we try so so hard, to hold onto it, to at least let an imprint last so you can build it again, we cry and plead and when we look down on the sand, nothing.
It is times like these when the very goddamn date that you wrote so hard on every wall and every tree starts to haunt you. An hour on the clock, the day of the week you met, the month you kissed, the year he proposed, the birthday your friends thought you were the luckiest girl on the planet. The harder you wanted to not forget all these dates the harder it’s going to hurt. Who would have thought it wouldn’t last, who prepares for the end, who will now help you out of the flashback that your mind is playing on repeat?
While breakups are hard universally, they get the hardest on ‘dates’ Valentines Days, Birthdays, Anniversaries, New Years Eves and festivals. The video montage is playing in slow motion and all you can see are two ridiculously happy people who don’t have the slightest idea how bad it’s going to get in some time. Time heals everything they say, they never tell you how time is the only culprit who will bring you back to right where you started, by a mere cuckoo on the clock on a particularly lonely night.
It’s funny how a mere number on the calendar can stab you right in your joyfully beating heart to remind you of what you were exactly twelve months back and where you had thought you’d be and where you actually are.
Without a doubt, you are in a better place now. Without an iota of thought, on a not particularly lonely night, you would agree, but not today.
Today is about questioning every choice you have ever made in your life, nostalgia, maybe some wine and a tear-filled pillow corner. Today is a date, a date you wished you hadn’t remembered.
Image credit: Google